Finding 'The One' is so damn hard

Finding The One is so difficult these days. You're not sure how to approach taking your relationship to the next level and talking about things happening at home or finances. It's a hard situation to read, made only more difficult by the transient nature of people seeking these relationships.

I am, of course, talking about a female BFF.

If you are one of those lucky girls (or guys) who grew up with people who you've stayed in touch with, your lives have taken a similar path and you are still relevant to one another then take a moment to step back and appreciate the beauty of what life has given you. For those of us who moved a lot, had falling outs or just simply lost touch, finding that rock to help you through the hard times can be one of the most difficult, and traumatising, tasks in your adult life. The simple truth is, making friends as an adult is hard.

I'm not talking about work friends that you bitch with in the staff kitchen, or your neighbour who you always make time to stop for, or even the mums at your kids school who you chat to in the playground. I'm talking about the person you can call at midnight because you've had enough of your life and you'd like to fantasise about running away to Ibiza and being a shot girl, the person who will pick you up when your car breaks down on the motorway, the person will dance with you on aisle 7,

Making friends comes so naturally when you are a child, so why is it so hard to make friends as an adult? Simple. We are busy, we are stressed and we are too proud to ask someone if they would like to play today. Fear of rejection is extreme, so what can we do to make it better? How does one make friends as an adult.

Use Apps

Apps such as MeetUp and Mummy Social help massively and will help you to find like minded who are also looking to make a connection and develop friendships. Meetup allows you access to some pretty specific groups of people, so if you are into cars, art or finger painting, there will probably be a group for that.

Volunteer

Volunteering can be incredibly rewarding and there's nothing like meeting socially responsible people who care about stuff. Sometimes it's hard to care about stuff, and meeting these people can give you the motivation to mix up your life a little bit. or it might make you stab yourself in the eyes for being so lazy, it could go either way so... disclaimer!

Take a Class

No one is telling you to get your doctorate, but a class is a great place to meet people. I guess it sort of emulates the last place we felt truly comfortable making friends - school. Make sure that you are going to a class where you can interact with other people like a cooking or language class.

Walk Outside

This may be hard to hear, but if you want to make friends, you're going to have to leave our house. I know, it's not easy. It requires getting dressed, brushing your hair and even smiling, bu it will be totally worth it.

No one is saying that you need to go and make 50 friends to feel cool, you really just have to find that one person that really gets you and you're good to go.

Happy friending

I hope this post finds you well and, if not, I hope it leaves you better.

m_ak x

How to cope when your child is a 'slow developer'

Sweet child, I nurtured you in my womb for almost a year. Every day I dreamed of you, how beautiful your smile would be, how wonderful it would feel to have your tiny fingers wrap themselves around mine and how overwhelmed I would be to hear your voice call 'mama'.

At no point during my dreaming did I think you would sit stubbornly, cute as an angel, and refuse to so much as roll onto your side for the first 8 months of your life. Rude awakening for naive new mum number 1.

I get it though, you will do things in your own time sweet darling. When you are good and ready, I have come to terms with it, so has your dad, but how do we navigate those difficult situations when other people don't seem to be ok with your developmental timeline? Here are some awkward situations and how to deal with them:

1: Baby groups

You are a new mum, armed with leaflets from every baby group in the county and with a schedule rivalled only by that of the military, you are ready to explore with your baby. You will make new mummy friends and go for coffee after the session while your children play peacefully and allow you to drink your beverages at your leisure.

The truth is, when you have the slow baby, people will attack you with a plethora of well intended punches to the gut.

'Oh bless him, he'll get there'
'Oh look how hard he's trying'
'Perhaps he just likes being carried everywhere instead of going on his own'
'Well you know, some babies just don't master these things until much later'

At first I would all but die at these comments, explaining away my child's lack of movement with more and more ridiculous excuses; he's teething' he just woke up, he needs a nap, he's hungry, he just ate, etc etc.

Mum, please stop. Don't explain your child to anyone, if you are genuinely concerned go to your GP or health visitor but DO NOT feel the need to explain why your child is different. Just smile, say 'thanks I'm sure we'll get there eventually' and try to hold the panic explosion for family or friends.

2. Family gatherings

Aunties, uncles, cousins and 'the older generation' will try to entice your child to move, each believing that they have the secret answer to unlocking crawling for your child. When exhausted/frustrated/borderline annoyed that they have failed, they will inevitably look to you and say, 'Ah well, plenty of time, how old is he now?'

Oh, the horror that can be seen in their eyes when you calmly say 'he's 8 months'. They try to hide their shock, act as though they think it's normal when you can see they are thinking your kid is broken.

At first, I would have a little quiver in my voice and queue the excuses from me to explain that my child is normal. It's embarrassing for everyone involved, and while your little cherub dribbles, hiccoughs and falls over onto his side where he will stay because he has no strategy to get up, you just want the Earth to swallow you whole. This was NOT in the plan when you decided to start your family. WTF is happening? What did you do wrong?

You did nothing wrong mummy, the world is shit and people judge but the truth is, at your child's 1 year review crawling is not even something that the child should be able to do, it's just a bonus. Calm down, he'll move, and when he does you will lament the days you could put him down and trust he would still be there when you returned from the toilet.

3. Play dates with mummy friends

You have been friends with these women for years, you know and trust them implicitly. Then, one day, when it becomes apparent that their child is developing faster than yours in one area or another, you see it. The air of superiority, and the condescension kicks in. Stay calm mummy, do not, as I very nearly did, ask if your friend thinks her little girl will ever grow into that nose. Simply talk about the things your child can do and how excited you are for the future, and if she doesn't drop it then drop her. It's not worth it.

Your baby is amazing, HE WILL GET THERE! And if he doesn't, well, there are more ways than one to be extraordinary.

I hope this post finds you well and, if not, I hope it has left you better

m_ak x

The One Year Baby Review

Line up mummies, form an orderly queue, come on now there are judgements to be passed and assumptions to be made about your ability to parent.

My sons' one year review just happened and I have never been made to feel more unfit to be a parent in my life. It went a little something like this:

The 'Professional': Hello, and this is..?
Me: This is _____ (I see his name on her list but whatever, I'll play along)
The 'Professional': Hello _____, mum why don't you put him on the mat so he can play and I can see him move.
Me: Sure

Child plays happily, rattling things and rolling balls. This is going well, I think, he's being adorable.

The 'Professional': Oh dear, mum remove the dummy
Me: Oh ok, he was a bit upset outside so I let him have it
The 'Professional': So you reward tantrums?
Me: No, but if he's in genuine distress I let him calm himself down with it
The 'Professional': So you do then. OK
Me: *flummoxed*
The 'Professional': (takes toy away from child, he commences screaming) So would you let him get away with a violent tantrum like this? Or is this when we pull out the dummy?

I'll stop here, it carried on in this vein for the next 30 minutes, I was floored. Am I really a terrible mother? Am I cut out for this? Did my child lose the uterus lottery for having been grown inside me?

Now I've had a cup of tea and a biscuit (ok a PACK of biscuits) I wish I could turn back the clock and lay down some truths for her.

My child is a well adjusted, sociable little boy who just so happens to be a complete arsehole from time to time. When this happens, after a long day at work, after bath time and during what should be story time but ends up being devil-child-wants-to-destroy-all-written-words time, yes, i give him the fucking dummy, I cuddle him to sleep AND I even let him sleep next to me so I don't have to get up when he wakes up crying for said dummy.

On the weekend, my husband and I go to great lengths to plan awesome activities for our son so that he can experience new things and so we can just have fun as a family. Usually, this goes swimmingly. My son will flirt with other mums, blow kisses to other children and giggle his little heart out for most of the day. Then there are the times he decides to go nuts. I hate the world, I hate the children, why are the adults looking at me, I hate my pram I want to crawl, why the fuck have you put me on the floor, new decibels of screeching are reached and guess what? I GIVE HIM HIS FUCKING DUMMY. Other people are out to have a good time and my baby is nicer on these days when I let him use it so fuck you judgy lady, my kid is fine.

The problem here is, in fact, you. You did not smile once, you snatched a toy from my sons' hand (I'm trying to teach him to not do that but thanks anyway) and I can only imagine he can feel that I am not happy in this situation. He doesn't like you because you were too rough with him, not because he is 'anti social'.

Thank you for ruining my day, but you have to go on being the miserable person that you are, alienating all those unfortunate to cross your path, but me and my son are off to the park to play and if he hurts himself or gets scared of the geese and has a meltdown, guess what I'm going to do to help him?

I hope this post has found you well and, if not, I hope it has left you better.

m_ak x

Welcome to my little world

Hello! Welcome to my blog, I should probably explain who I am and why I am writing this, so here goes...



I am a 29 year old mum to a 2 little monsters, wife to a husband who breathes a lot and a teacher at a primary school in East London. I was talking to a few friends of mine and it occurred to me how much has happened in my life. I constantly find myself wanting to butt in and say "Yes! I remember when..." but alas, if I want to keep said friends I have to tame the beast that is my ability to talk and placate it somehow. And so here I find myself, armed with a list of stories and anecdotes, some fun, some not, that I would like to share for no other reason than maybe, just maybe, someone felt the same once. Maybe someone went through it and will feel better knowing I felt the same, or will be able to shed some light to help me.

Please feel free to share any of my blogs if you feel that they will be useful to someone, and always, always get in touch should the mood strike. I love connecting with people and honestly, being a mum can be quite lonely.

I hope this post has found you well, and if not, I hope it has left you better.

m_ak x